What Keeps you Up at Night?
Dreams can capture the good, the bad, and sometimes, the ugly. At times they lead us to recall the marks of wounds and at other times, the void left by loss. Without getting too particular, they are the things that keep us up at night.
I don’t know about you, but my nights have been pretty restless lately. And my heart and mind tend to stir that way when I find myself losing sight of the “holy.”
(Holy. It’s one of those nebulous words we could spend hours defining. I am a fan of thinking of it as “that which is” or “those things which are set apart.”)
And so what keeps me up at night? It’s that much of what we might call or consider “holy stirrings” in our day-to-day continue to drown in a chaos of unholy distraction.
The holy stirring of hearts ministering with the communities in Puerto Rico, Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, watered down by our culture’s obsession with celebrity scandals and NCAA frauds.
The holy stirring of clergy speaking out against white supremacy, derided as a multi-sided issue or an unnecessary excuse to rile up people in anger.
The holy stirring of a peaceful kneeling denouncing the sin of oppression, unjustly labeled as an un-American/anti-military agenda at the hands of “sons of b**ches.”
I left work the other day with a head about to explode scrolling down my Facebook feed, wondering why such holy stirrings, opportunities to grow, to reconcile, and to repair have succumbed to unholy complacency. And by that, I mean an unwillingness to name and address the structures in place that are anything but in the eyes of God.
In the midst of the mess of this week, Facebook did that sweet and sappy thing it does of reminding me of what happened on that day a year ago and I started sinking in my chair. My grandparents’ wedding anniversary. 62 years it would have been. And to think if I had refrained from using Facebook or from clicking “more” to see what misinformed comment the next person made about the issue du jour, I would have missed a personal holy stirring. To think I was on the verge of deleting friends who dwell in ignorance or who have no understanding of grace. In the sea of my own anger and disappointment with the state of things, I almost overlooked a person in my own life, my Grandma, who showed me what “holy” should look like.
A holy stirring is one that seeks to name or reclaim the beauty which God intended amidst a creation that is delicate, fragile, and lost. And we find ourselves in such a world. One that is broken, torn, and tattered. At odds, divided, and hurt. These stirrings provide me with that re-centering I long for when my mind becomes filled with the things of this world and begs a response.
Holy stirrings center around human relationships, the sharing of stories, and most of all, an awareness of God’s provision.
At the center of it all is our need to reclaim our holy story. The one where we adore a Christ whose kingdom is not of this world. A reality perhaps we won’t fully come to embrace until we genuinely begin naming the unholy in our midst and start seeking restoration.
If we say nothing, the unholy festers. But if we speak out, we get somewhere. If we react, we politicize quickly. But if we respond, we seek dialogue.
And so, what truly keeps you up at night? What leaves your heart restless?